reason behind it

Paris... wow what an experience. Thanks for letting me visit for awhile... and for witnessing some pretty bizarre things.. I don't really know what to say other than you truly do know how to help someone find themselves. 

Even though I may not have been the best resident, 

I had my moments. 

And aren't those moments the reason we visit?

Road trips and fishing and presents under the tree

I remember long drives home from nana and papa's
I remember fake sleeping when we got home just so my dad would carry me up to bed.
I remember the grunt that he would make as he picked me up.

I remember the day he stopped picking me up and waking me up instead

 "You're too big, you need to walk upstairs by yourself."

Now I'm 18. and back then all i wanted to do was grow up. but now as its happening all i want to do is be back in my dad's arm's. I don't want to be too big to walk upstairs.

I don't want to remember the good times.

 I want to relive them.

 I want to go back to when the saddest I ever got was when my mom said i couldn't have a sleepover with my cousins. I want to go back to when the only thing that mattered was who i was gonna play with after school and what we would do.

I remember coming back into Mrs. Hutchingson's class in second grade in the winter.

 and my socks were wet..... so my feet started to itch.

 but I didn't know how to itch them without being "that kid" that takes his shoes off in class...

 so i just dealt with it.

3rd grade. Nobody beat me in multiplication match. and I mean NO ONE. 

Then Mycol Uibel beat me... biggest upset of the year. the class gasped and I cried.

But that wouldn't be the only time that I would lose... greatest upset of the year... and the crowd would gasp and I would cry.

6th grade. I went to 7 peaks with my cousins. we all wanted to ride on the tube down shot-gun falls. They said biggest in the front. My cousins said "Ty you're up there, you're the fattest. First time I felt self-consious.

I remember finding out santa wasn't real. I acted like I already knew. but i was devastated.

I remember the first time I felt completely comfortable outside of home. Thanks Stos

I'll remember writing this. I always will.

I'll remember high school forever. the good. the bad. class of 2016... the best I could've asked for

Rosie P.

Favorites from each post

Close your eyes and don't try to fix the stutter you had yesterday

I have a knack for disappearing.

But don't forget about me quite yet

She was still alive

And I didn't crumble under pressure

My boyfriend hits on my 30 year old sister

I never was the holy type

He gave me a troll doll with rainbow hair and I thought "This is love." I lost my doll in the sandbox the next day.

one year to meet you, one day to love you, one day to lose you

5. Handle with care, they break easily.

Watch this.

He stared at the ground with stone cold eyes

But we don't always get what we want, do we?

because your the best accident that I ever made

Nor can I determine what this burning sensation is

Questioning looks with no answers

Distance could be How far away that star is From the tip of my finger

so please just cut me loose

I am SKINNY LOVE

Watch this.

I am SKINNY LOVE

I never was the holy type.

so please just cut me loose

My boyfriend hits on my 30 year old sister,

and he stares at the ground with stone cold eyes.

but handle with care, because they break easy.

one year to meet you, one day to love you, one day to lose you.

but you're still the best accident that I ever made.

Our Distance could be how far away that star is from the tip of my finger.

I am SKINNY LOVE.

and I have a knack for disappearing.

He gave me a troll doll with rainbow hair and I thought "this is love." I lost my doll in the sand box the next day.

we don't always get what we want, do we?

I am SKINNY LOVE

but don't forget about me yet

and I can't determine what this burning sensation is

just close your eyes and don't try to fix the stutter you had yesterday.

I am SKINNY LOVE

and I get questioning looks with no answers.

but I didn't crumble under the pressure.

I am SKINNY LOVE

Thanks Rosie P. for your blog! You're incredible! Please write more because i loved your posts.

sincerely,

your boy Boo

Lights go out

Blackout

Blackout. I'm 5 the lights go off. The power goes out. All I know is the safety of my mom's arms. I run to her... scared that if I don't make it to her in time. The creatures will circle me and take me away forever. All I knew is I hate when the lights would turn off. I hated Blackouts.

Blackout. 6'3" 290 lbs of pure muscle with a killer mentality... smashed his frame into my own 185 pound frame. Over 100 lbs bigger than me. Knocked me into the next life. I laid there. lifeless. unmoving. unconscious. People ask me if I remember them talking to me? I don't remember. I watch the play over and over and over. The only word that comes to mind is Blackout.

Blackout. It's announced over the intercom. It's supposed to be a good thing. It's supposed to get people to want to come to the games. But it's nerve-racking to me. I don't sleep all week, a constant anxiety feeling in the pit of my stomach. The more "blacked-out" the crowd is... means the bigger the game is. Blackout means big game, which means anxiety all week. Blackout.

Blackout. comes from drinking too much. I can't imagine having that many problems that the escape is to drink it away. I sure don't want to black out from this. Blackout.

Little Things

This is me.
The real me.
No more hiding.
Paris you have been good.
The crepes were exquisite
Museums.. magnificent
And the Eiffel tower... what. a. sight.

 

 

But its time

Time to go back

 

 

My blog wasn't as good as the others. I know that.

I'm not good at being sad.

I tried.. I really did.

I tried to be sad for the acceptance of those reading.

I couldn't

Why do all the good blogs have to be sad?

And just because I'm not sad

People assume I'm a tourist.

I wasn't. I'm not

 

 

 

My favorite blogs

 

1) Just Korra - "Baa I'm a sheep"

This was my favorite blog all year. Amazing. I'm grateful for people like you who get to know someone before you make a judgement.

 

2) Shawn Carter - "Funeral"

Different. I've talked to you about it. You write differently. That's why I love this blog so much. You just wrote. Who cares about grammar, who cares about flow. Your writing was your own. That's why it was great.

 

3) Steven O. Jordan - "Dear Mormons"

You spoke the truth in every one of your blogs. It wasn't fake. Who has the courage to do that? Nobody. I love your writing because you write for yourself. I'm proud of you S%&@k.

 

4) Courtney Rome - "The Orchestra"

I can't wait to find out who you are. You write as if your writing a song. I swear you could put a melody to your writing and you would get a top hit. So impressed.

 

 

 

 

 

Now you may be wondering.. Isn't this a reveal post?

It is.

 Sometimes we just forget to notice things.

The little things.

We all do it. It is part of being human.

If you remember one thing from me. I hope it is this..

Pick up on the little things.

 Notice those around you.

Be grateful for stupid things

It makes life enjoyable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All of the underlined and bolded words spell my name. Pick up on little things:)

The Night

No one knew.

I didn't want anyone to know.

When it was light outside, it was still dark to me

I cried

Day

After

Day

After

Day

For months.

For 9 months.

Panic Attacks constantly. "What if's" racing through my mind.

What if

What if



They told me take deep breaths. But with every breath the lump got bigger and the tears came faster.

The Panic surrounded me.

It surrounded me like wolves surround a sheep before slaughter

It closed in on me like the night

Funny thing about night.

It ends.





The one that got away

They say it will stop
they say the pain will ease with time.

False, I will forever be frozen on the 50 yard line looking up...
17-14.. game over
They say Its just a game. There is more to life
But its over.
the game was my life, My life was the game.
Hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months and months to years.
Its done. I'm done.

They say that I couldn't of done anything. They say that I did all that I could.
They say that I left it on the field. I did.
But that doesn't change 17-14
A loss.
We let you down. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry Talmage. I worked with you countless hours. I know what this meant to you

I'm sorry shawn carter. 509.3 days working for it. all for 2nd place. I'm sorry

They say it will stop
They say the pain will ease with time.
We rode out for the last time... All our work, all our memories, everything... ended with 17-14

Its only been 3 days and I'm already reminiscing.
Saturday mornings 10 AM. We were putting in the work.
We put in champions work. We worked for a ring. Brothers.. Everyone of us
We talked about it since we were 12
WE TALKED ABOUT IT SINCE WE WERE 12!!!!
Failed.

Its over. just like that, we failed. for that I am sorry.
17-14