Little Things

This is me.
The real me.
No more hiding.
Paris you have been good.
The crepes were exquisite
Museums.. magnificent
And the Eiffel tower... what. a. sight.

 

 

But its time

Time to go back

 

 

My blog wasn't as good as the others. I know that.

I'm not good at being sad.

I tried.. I really did.

I tried to be sad for the acceptance of those reading.

I couldn't

Why do all the good blogs have to be sad?

And just because I'm not sad

People assume I'm a tourist.

I wasn't. I'm not

 

 

 

My favorite blogs

 

1) Just Korra - "Baa I'm a sheep"

This was my favorite blog all year. Amazing. I'm grateful for people like you who get to know someone before you make a judgement.

 

2) Shawn Carter - "Funeral"

Different. I've talked to you about it. You write differently. That's why I love this blog so much. You just wrote. Who cares about grammar, who cares about flow. Your writing was your own. That's why it was great.

 

3) Steven O. Jordan - "Dear Mormons"

You spoke the truth in every one of your blogs. It wasn't fake. Who has the courage to do that? Nobody. I love your writing because you write for yourself. I'm proud of you S%&@k.

 

4) Courtney Rome - "The Orchestra"

I can't wait to find out who you are. You write as if your writing a song. I swear you could put a melody to your writing and you would get a top hit. So impressed.

 

 

 

 

 

Now you may be wondering.. Isn't this a reveal post?

It is.

 Sometimes we just forget to notice things.

The little things.

We all do it. It is part of being human.

If you remember one thing from me. I hope it is this..

Pick up on the little things.

 Notice those around you.

Be grateful for stupid things

It makes life enjoyable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All of the underlined and bolded words spell my name. Pick up on little things:)

The Night

No one knew.

I didn't want anyone to know.

When it was light outside, it was still dark to me

I cried

Day

After

Day

After

Day

For months.

For 9 months.

Panic Attacks constantly. "What if's" racing through my mind.

What if

What if



They told me take deep breaths. But with every breath the lump got bigger and the tears came faster.

The Panic surrounded me.

It surrounded me like wolves surround a sheep before slaughter

It closed in on me like the night

Funny thing about night.

It ends.





The one that got away

They say it will stop
they say the pain will ease with time.

False, I will forever be frozen on the 50 yard line looking up...
17-14.. game over
They say Its just a game. There is more to life
But its over.
the game was my life, My life was the game.
Hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months and months to years.
Its done. I'm done.

They say that I couldn't of done anything. They say that I did all that I could.
They say that I left it on the field. I did.
But that doesn't change 17-14
A loss.
We let you down. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry Talmage. I worked with you countless hours. I know what this meant to you

I'm sorry shawn carter. 509.3 days working for it. all for 2nd place. I'm sorry

They say it will stop
They say the pain will ease with time.
We rode out for the last time... All our work, all our memories, everything... ended with 17-14

Its only been 3 days and I'm already reminiscing.
Saturday mornings 10 AM. We were putting in the work.
We put in champions work. We worked for a ring. Brothers.. Everyone of us
We talked about it since we were 12
WE TALKED ABOUT IT SINCE WE WERE 12!!!!
Failed.

Its over. just like that, we failed. for that I am sorry.
17-14

Playlist #4u (For You)

1) Crushin' it // Brad Paisley  

2) History // One Direction

3) You're Beautiful // James Blunt

4) Marvin Gaye // Charlie Puth ft. Meghan Trainor

5) Take me Away // Lifehouse

6)  Lucky // Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat

7) End of the Day // One Direction

8) If I were a boy // Beyonce ft. R. Kelly

9) Steal my Girl // One Direction

10) Nothing Compares to You // Sinead O' Connor

11) Oh my Goodness // Spawnbreezy

12) Lose it // Oh Wonder

13) Thinking Out Loud // Ed Sheeran

14) Stolen Dance // Milky Chance

15) Better Together // Jack Johnson

16) You and I // One Direction

17) Beautiful // Akon

18) Year 3000 // Jonas Brothers

19) Kiss me // Ed Sheeran

20) When you look me in the Eyes // Jonas Brothers

skip

Thump thump.. thump thump.... (skip) thump thump. 

It happens every time. wow.. everytime.. 

You are astonishing

not hot

not beautiful

Astonishing.  

the way your hair flows down your back.

the way you smile and laugh and the way your eyes sparkle. Wow.... wow. 

The way you make me long. long to be with you when youre not around. 

And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while.

This finally makes sense to me. Bruno Mars mustve known you too.

thump thump.... thump thump... (skip) thump thump.  

I lose my breath.

Its habit now.. 

my body knows that when it can no longer breathe..

It must be because you just walked into the room, 

because you literally take my breath away. 

The sun shines a little brighter, the grass is a little greener

whenever i am with you

Astonishing. that is what you are.

thump thump (skip) thump thump..

Dreamland

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plUgn_FC0sk

Dreams are a place where everyone go

Just to get away even if for a moment or so

When lifes got you down and you just quite can't bare

The pains and the challenges in all your affairs

Just lay your head down and allow yourself

to head off to dreamland and perhaps meet an elf

Or be a knight and slay the ghastly dragon

And carry the girl off in your little ole wagon

Oh just remember that when that girl squeals

"Oh I love you! Won't you just kneel?"

Its simply not real... you're not in reality

You're simply taking a break from normality.

How to Kiss

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSpJQlBJCzA

I ain't never scared

I'm afraid of lions. and tigers. and bears. 

I'm most definitely afraid of heights. i'm afraid of my dad

i'm afraid of drowning.

IM AFRAID OF NOT LIVING UP TO EXPECTATIONS

I'm afraid of miley and lady gaga and Coroline's mom with the button eyes.

I'm afraid of the librarian

I'm afraid of What ifs... I'm afraid of what ifs

I'm afraid to be courageous

I'm afraid i won't be able to support a family.

I'm scared i won't be a good missionary

I'm afraid of the Old Hag from Fablehaven

I'm afraid of not living up to expectations. 

Survive vs alive

Alive...

I don't want to just survive. I want to live

living is surviving but surviving is NOT living

living is enjoying, taking it in because you know that you won't get another Sunday November 7, 2015

 i don't want to just survive. i want to live,

I walk around and see people surviving? why...

why continue to doggy paddle when a breast stroke is so much more free.

To see in black and white, when you could see in color.

To walk when you can fly

Life is full of hard things.. it always has been and it always will be

But no one ever great has ever just survived.. They lived.

I don't want to just survive, I want to live